is there poodle in my noodle

Northern China is experiencing its fair share of rainfall this week, and this morning’s trip up Tianeman Mountain (‘Heaven’s Gate’ Mountain) was, by all accounts, a bit of a washout.

Rainfall is higher than average for this time of year. It is lucky then that there is a vendor selling shoe sheaths and plastic raincoats on every corner.

The cableway to the top of the mountain claims to be the longest in the world; a total length of 7,455 metres, and an ascent of 1,279 metres.

Had the weather behaved, then this is what we would have seen.

As we descended the mountain, Jem was mobbed yet again by old ladies who flock to him like moths to a flame. I mean, they are only human, but his celebrity status is becoming something of legend (in his mind). Before the final descent, an insistent mother threw her protesting child at him for his third photoshoot of the weekend.

Yesterday in downtown Zhangjiajie, which is just off the tourist trail, we were both followed, photographed, and pointed at, like some kind of mobile side show of British freakery. School children crowded around us, reciting random English words and staring at my jazzy leggings.

But it wasn’t just the punters following us around town. In every shop, we had a dedicated shop assistant who would walk six inches behind at all times, observing every movement, picking up everything we looked at, and putting it in our hands.

Another urban peril includes the treacherous zebra crossings, which signify that drivers should accelerate towards you and brake at the very last minute or swerve around you with inches to spare.

Dining can also be an exciting game of Russian Roulette, where menu translations provide little insight into the meals on offer, and the accompanying photos resemble your communal garden beef or chicken (but are definitely not). One thing is for certain; we have MSG coming out of our eyeballs.

We continue our adventure to Yangshuo tomorrow, seven hours south on the train. The sun shines, and limestone towers offer some of the country’s finest rock climbing.