is there poodle in my noodle

I’m not sure if we have been this excited since our wedding day. Today, we were going on a BULLET TRAIN. The 1,000km journey to Xi’An would take approximately 11/12 hours in a car. We would be there in just 4 hours.

We woke up with a frisson of anticipation, navigating the early morning subway to Beijing West Train Station. After the ubiquitous bag x-rays and ID checks, we grabbed some noodles and soaked in the atmosphere.

Beijing West Station was much like a futuristic King’s Cross St Pancras, with vast waiting rooms designated for various high-speed trains, leaving for all over northern China. We could hardly contain ourselves for the next hour.

Riding the bullet train was like stepping into one of those pictures children draw to illustrate what 2050 would be like. Like Beijing, it was spotless and efficient, powering through the Chinese rural outback offering sometimes quite bleak views of the cityscapes and farmlands.

The speeds were electrifying, with nearby geographical features becoming a blur as the train reached top speeds of 217mph (350kmph). Pretty impressive considering that in 1993, trains in China averaged speeds of just 30mph!

On our last day in Beijing we ventured to see the Temple of Heaven, a hall of prayer for good harvest. Originally built in 1420, the temple has been rebuilt 3 times after fire damage as a replica of the original structure.

Downtown Beijing was less captivating, in fact, more a futuristic dystopia, where the lonely skyscrapers sat on deserted streets, like a scene from 28 Days Later. The tallest, the CITIC Tower, stands proud at 528 metres.

The building on the left is the CCTV Headquarters, affectionately known as Big Pants. CCTV (China Central Television) is the national television broadcaster of China, established in 1958. CCTV reports to the Publicity Department of the Chinese Communist Party.

We decided to get back to more fun activities like trying to guess the mystery meats on sale in our local neighbourhood. The Chinese do not shy away from sticking meat on a stick, or ensuring that every part of the animal is consumed. One particular favourite is tripe soup, which they translate on the menu as Exploding Belly. Yummy!

Not wanting to shy away from stuff on a stick we got stuck in to some chicken hearts last night over a game of backgammon. A fairly underwhelming snack if I’m honest, and a tad on the chewy side. But infinitely preferable to a weird stomach lining.

By 8.30am we had entered one of the most enigmatic tourist attractions on the planet; The Forbidden City. This huge complex existed as the central axis of power of China from its beginnings in 1420 until it was turned into a tourist attraction in the early 20th century.

The UNESCO World Heritage Site is the largest preserved palace in the world and measures almost a kilometre long. It consists of 980 buildings, where the Emperor and his family, concubines, servants, and eunuchs resided. The grounds were impenetrable, surrounded by high walls, and a 52-metre wide moat. Any commoner of foreigner found inside the complex was sentenced to death. No one could enter or leave without the Emperor’s permission.

The Forbidden City is truly a mystery. A spectacle so great that modern-day Chinese were literally racing each other to enter as the gates opened. It was like the gun had gone off for the 100m Olympic sprint; elbows came out, and paying visitors did not try to hide their desperation to be one of the first through the huge gates.

What struck us was, over the centuries, how many young women and men would have spent their entire lives incarcerated in this gilded cage, desperate to leave the sprawling behemoth and to witness the world on the outside. Their days were spent in this vast prison, performing daily rituals, attending relentless meetings and ceremonies, servicing the Emperor, and with extreme pressure to bear sons to continue the Dynasty.

Albeit a beautiful and deeply symbolic heart of Chinese history, The Forbidden City was also a place of huge sacrifice to so many generations.

As a working man, Jem was happy to leave the Forbidden City with body and balls intact. We had worked up quite an appetite by lunchtime. It was a relief when even Jem turned his adventurous nose up at the Spiders And Scorpions On A Stick stand, and we opted for Peking Duck rolls instead.

An afternoon stroll revealed more beautiful views, with a trip to the top of Jinshun Park providing vistas of the commercial centre of Beijing and the sprawling residential areas which house almost 22 million people in the city.

This morning we set a 4.30am alarm to catch the iconic raising of the flag in Tianeman Square, a tradition dating back to 1949 to mark the founding of the People’s Republic of China. Thousands flock to watch this one-minute event each morning. As we watched the flag being hoisted, excited spectators sung along to the national anthem and jostled to get to the front. 

To our amusement it turned out Jem’s milk bottles were the star attraction. We are, so far, some of the only white faces we have seen in the city, and at times, one can feel like a specimen in a petri dish.

Our hotel is located on the southern side of the centre. Despite regular passport checks and bag x-rays at checkpoints entering most tourist attractions and every subway, we were struck by the fun and relaxed nature of the city. However, accessing the infamous Tianeman Square revealed a more sinister side. To enter the Fort Knox-esque square you must navigate layers of police, CCTV, soldiers and yet more CCTV towers which ring the square, with entry requiring a strict booking and vetting process, an extremely intimate search where my phone was dismantled and our backgammon board almost confiscated, and then all bags and belongings x-rayed.

The square has a dark and muted history, more of which can be found out about online. We understand that the Chinese youth have no idea what unfolded there in 1989; without a VPN it is impossible to access any information online, apart from the strictly controlled narrative permitted by the state.

Using WordPress is a proper headache, so I’ll photodump here in the hope they post (photos and words seem to disappear without rhyme or reason). Tomorrow on to the Forbidden City and Tianeman Square ❤️ 💙 💜

We lost eight hours on the flight over, many hours of sleep, and all my bank cards. We quickly learned some fancy interprative dance moves, which we executed with gusto on airport security, who kindly jumped in a bus and retrieved my purse from underneath seat 44G. Elated and excited, we jumped straight onto the metro.

Beijing is not what we expected. It is full of colour, kindness, and adventure. The streets are, for the most part, single-story old-fashioned street vendors; a mixture of vibrant 10 yuan (£1) tat stores, old world tailoring shops, 1950s department stores and a myriad of food stalls. No hassle, no haggling, no heckling – just welcoming smiles and excellent dumplings. And all of your cat-in-a-basket needs met.

Communication is undertaken via Google Translate – no one really speaks English with any fluency and it is quite normal and accepted to be using a smartphone as the middleman.

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A particular highlight for me was testing out our Smart Loo which not only has a warmed seat and remote control, but also ejects an exciting and exacting jetstream of warm water right up your undercarriage

We toured around the city tonight to see the Drum Tower and the Bell Tower, built in 1272 during the Yuan Dynasty as a central time keeping structure; a public clock to the city.

We also found an excellent pool bar where Jem refused to run around the table naked despite getting seven-balled.